Friday, September 29, 2006

Where I Stand (Another Big Blogging Day After Much Silence)

The truth is, I no longer put much stock in those who think they have it all figured out, faith-wise. I used to be such a person and am frankly ashamed of my own hubris and naivete. I have reached a point where my passion is no longer showing the world how clever I am; my passion is to discover the depths of God's love for the world, and to live out the life God calls me to. I understand at a depth i never before believed possible St. Thomas' comment on his retirement to a monastery. He looked back on his teaching career, his monumental writings (to which we still refer, even if most don't look for guidance there), and said, "It is all straw." Thus do we have a declaration of wisdom from a great learned man.
I have studied theology, philosophy (I am reading Truth and Method by Hans-Georg Gadamer currently), history, political science, and sociology. Yet it is the realization that none of that means anything if we do not love God with all our heart and mind and soul and strength and our neighbors as ourselves that forced me, like St. Paul, to count it all as loss for the sake of the Gospel. I have no interest anymore in proving myself correct. I only want to serve God by serving others. I no longer wish to be recognized, influential, a person of repute. I wish to be a quiet, anonymous toiler in the field of the Lord.
This does not mean that I feel we Christians have nothing to contribute to our society. It only means that we should not pretend that we can be, and certainly we should not pretend we should be, or are, the key to the salvation of our nation. Politics is about power; Christianity is about the repudiation of power. Politics is about control; Christianity is about the surrender of control. Politics is about death; Christianity is about life and love that is stronger than death.
This is just a first step, I suppose in a struggle I have been having since before I began this blog (which has changed in tone and content over the few months of its existence) but has heated up as I have been in contact with all the varieties of Christian voices out there. So far, my results have been negative to the extent that I know for sure only who and what I do not wish to be and become as a Christian.
This is only a beginning, as I said above, and not a very clear beginning at that.


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